everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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