I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
