I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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