If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
