I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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