I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Randomize
