Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
