Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
