I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
