Barsexuality is the new black.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
