I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
