Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
