apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
