Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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