He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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