I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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