he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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