I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
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I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
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I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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