No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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