The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
