Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
