I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
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Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
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Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.