Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"

(708): View more from Illinois

I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.

(773): View more from Illinois

don't worry... so do I

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(773): it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man" (708) I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights. (773) don't worry... so do I http://tfl.nu/9jx5

Replies (24) Good night (663) Bad night (4002)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.

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(781): So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets. http://tfl.nu/zt9l

Replies (12) Good night (561) Bad night (4849)
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(219): View more from Indiana

Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.

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(219): Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone. http://tfl.nu/2pnq

Replies (6) Good night (610) Bad night (4624)
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(661): View more from California

No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.

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(661): No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer. http://tfl.nu/5zs6

Replies (44) Good night (4488) Bad night (996)
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(540): View more from Virginia

First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.

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(540): First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete. http://tfl.nu/s0lg

Replies (22) Good night (5166) Bad night (1030)
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(415): View more from California

i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.

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(415): i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me. http://tfl.nu/4nn8

Replies (7) Good night (923) Bad night (2984)
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(216): View more from Ohio

ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.

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(216): ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time. http://tfl.nu/5061

Replies (6) Good night (1105) Bad night (4177)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group

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(250): It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group http://tfl.nu/b8ix

Replies (4) Good night (833) Bad night (2044)
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(216): View more from Ohio

there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him

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(216): there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him http://tfl.nu/zgop

Replies (1) Good night (1215) Bad night (752)
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(503): View more from Oregon

ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.

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(503): ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help. http://tfl.nu/liab

Replies (9) Good night (1054) Bad night (636)
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(817): View more from Texas

I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care

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(817): I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care http://tfl.nu/4w1d

Replies (4) Good night (1888) Bad night (351)
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(307): View more from Wyoming

I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker

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(307): I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker http://tfl.nu/4xt0

Replies (6) Good night (1110) Bad night (402)
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(+31): View more from The Netherlands

Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.

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(+31): Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming. http://tfl.nu/ki11

Replies (4) Good night (1919) Bad night (299)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML

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(780): If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML http://tfl.nu/m3i8

Replies (8) Good night (1515) Bad night (437)
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(571): View more from Virginia

Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?

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(571): Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you? http://tfl.nu/rje6

Replies (13) Good night (346) Bad night (691)

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