Texts From Last Night

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  (813): View more from Florida

  Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person

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  (813): Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person http://tfl.nu/pnlg
  Replies (55) Good night (3541) Bad night (696)
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  (516): View more from New York

  she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.

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  (516): she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag". (917): I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag. http://tfl.nu/7xie
  Replies (57) Good night (1473) Bad night (11548)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.

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  (214): Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me. http://tfl.nu/94g1
  Replies (9) Good night (762) Bad night (3274)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile

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  (402): Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile http://tfl.nu/7vam
  Replies (22) Good night (1059) Bad night (5200)
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  (949): View more from California

  Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.

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  (949): Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude. http://tfl.nu/kuta
  Replies (6) Good night (2298) Bad night (797)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.

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  (757): some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs. http://tfl.nu/d9oe
  Replies (9) Good night (3557) Bad night (1002)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"

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  (402): So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October" http://tfl.nu/8ift
  Replies (8) Good night (4125) Bad night (1036)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.

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  (850): If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through. http://tfl.nu/odn6
  Replies (7) Good night (1171) Bad night (697)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish

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  (530): Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish http://tfl.nu/hirn
  Replies (4) Good night (744) Bad night (534)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now

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  (978): At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now http://tfl.nu/9tr0
  Replies (7) Good night (547) Bad night (913)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.

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  (816): He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken. http://tfl.nu/2q6x
  Replies (1) Good night (860) Bad night (626)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?

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  (828): Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis? http://tfl.nu/tjmy
  Replies (12) Good night (995) Bad night (397)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho

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  (978): I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho http://tfl.nu/p9zq
  Replies (4) Good night (424) Bad night (440)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?

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  (941): He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating? http://tfl.nu/3gve
  Replies (7) Good night (358) Bad night (980)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..

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  (818): My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight .. http://tfl.nu/dmyo
  Replies (1) Good night (607) Bad night (285)

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