The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?