I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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