I'm really into asian looking animals
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
