Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
