When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
