Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
