@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
