I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
