My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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