Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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