she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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