How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
