True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
