Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
