chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
