he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
my liver is dry heaving
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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