What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
