there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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