i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
