I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
