yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize