i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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