Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
