i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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