Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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