Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
