I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
