Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
