We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
