I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
