i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
