It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
