dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
