We are two peas in an std pod
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You were trust falling into bushes
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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