I just pynch a tree in the face
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
