I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
