There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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