so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
