I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
