is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
