Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
