you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We need to rekindle our bromance
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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