way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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