Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
