you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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