How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
