I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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