This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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