Umm I'm too high to move.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
