i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
