then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
