with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
she peed on how many people?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
