They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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