i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
