stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
