There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
