you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
