Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
