He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
