Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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