Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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