Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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