and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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