her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
