Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
