I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
