In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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